poetry

“Have you considered running for president?” – Jamie Balsem

“[The Ass Frito] is just a troll i think he would like to be the next perez hilton,his humour isnt original and he clearly steals content from beta” – Rubber Duck

“So you are what? A queer, fat, Christian racist? I can’t tell whether I love you or hate you.” – Gordon R.

“If the people behind this site are who I think they are, you are all wasting your talent, and I feel more sorry for you than ever. What a disappointment.” – A.D.

“I can only imagine what kind of people get up every day and add the noxious content to this site. I pity you.” – Jack Fletcher (big word user)

“You fuckin pig. Get a fuckin life.” – Anonymous pig hater

“HOW DARE YOU? YOU DO KNOW THAT CHILDREN COULD INADVERTENTLY SEE THIS FILTHY SITE, RIGHT?” – Anonymous

“Lev. 18:22, You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination.” – Anonymous Christian gay hater.

I have been a gay homosexual since I was 5. That was the first time my cousin Bucky and I played “turkey neck hide and seek” together. Since then I have made love (in butt) with many men, and I have had so much conflict. I am Christien and I have many friends in the [Read More …]

I found a new way to introduce myself to men what I find attractive. I tell them I have a $50 bill hidden in my turd canal, and they can have it if they can find it. I’ve spent $650 this week, but it has been worth it.

I was watching the startrek tonight, and I think it would be fun to get felched by a klingon. They seem agressive and sexy.

@hudsonhott Why come medifast diet is making my fake #tits shrink? Is it because I have sack of #woolly #balls? I don’t want to lose my purdy #breasts. http://assfrito.com

It’s national peanut butter day. My dog’s tongue and my flesh cork are about to get to #celebrating. http://assfrito.com

#AsAKid I loved #masturbating to #Bible passages. My #semen will always belong to the #Jesus. http://assfrito.com

I am in the mood to use the words #nigger, #vomit, and #corndog in the same tweet. People seem to like those words. http://assfrito.com

#TheBestPartOfMyDayWas putting on my #panties and a #bra and doing the #JustinTimberlake “wet n’ wiggly” workout. assfrito.com

Last night I watched some movies called pair a Normal Activities. There wasn’t nothing normal about the activities what happened in those movies, though. I was so scared I was hugging my pillow. And one time when the demon made a loud noise, I unloaded a pile of toad grease in my knickers and I had to stop the movie so I could go wipe out my pants.

Anyways, if you’re going to watch these movies, you should probly wear diapers. 

Watching Mr. Popper’s Penguins was like having 10 paranna fish put in my anus with no anasthesia. Jim Cary should commit suicide immediately to save the world from the risk of him ever making another movie this bad again. Fuck Jim Cary.

I would rather put my dick in a toaster than ever have to watch one more minute of this stupid fucking movie ever again. The only thing in this movie that’s worth anything is Ryan Gosling’s abs (so sexy mmmm). But Steve whatever his name is from the office is a idiot, and so is everyone else. This movie is supposed to be funny but I started crying and then shit my knickers because my stomach hurt so bad.

I’m being serious. Those people should call jesus and ask for his forgiveness for making that movie. it sucks. I feel sorry for them. 

Dear Jesus, please suffocate Scott Pilgrim and his plight against “the world” with Satan’s veiny, syphilitic cock. This is the WORST FUCKING MOVIE EVER MADE. Thanks. Your friend, the ass frito.